i know i'm gorgeous, but...

dear hair-cutting guy,

please, when i come in asking quite specifically for a "men's haircut", i am quite sincerely NOT looking for you to finish the transaction by saying, "there you go, gorgeous." if you were a gay guy, i might allow it. but i get the feeling that you're trying to undermine the whole image i'm clearly going for. if this was a single incident, i might be able to let it go. but last time you told me i had a "pretty face." and yes, i am a pretty boy, but you're not gay, so it's kind of weird when you tell me this. if i didn't have tits, i'm quite certain you would not. so, come on, man, give me a goddam break. you're too convenient and close to home for this to come between our potentially beautiful professional relationship.

love,
the gorgeous gender-ambiguous pretty boygirl individual whose hair you just cut